I haven’t blogged in a really long time. Whatever I write lately, or for that matter, anyone writes, seems pointless, even superficial. It’s like everyone wants to project a certain image and that makes them this smart alecky, know- it- all person and I seriously don’t want to read anything that reeks of that.
I’ve also read some really honest and inspiring writing, though, and I hope I break through this wall and find that place for myself.
College is showing me pathways I opened myself up for in the last year. It is giving me the overview that I lacked, and the opportunity to interact with the kind of people I’ve never met before.
But I am a lot more guarded and closed as far as my personal feelings are concerned. I am treading softly, slowly to see if there is anything genuine left in this world. And because I allow myself to see so much more, many things seem like a pleasant surprise. Lower expectations can be good or bad depending on how you see it.
I like being in a college that doesn’t restrict me in any way. New doors open all the time. You’re also expected to take responsibility for yourself in terms of both work and play. Nobody will spoon feed you, nobody will sugar coat it for you if you fuck up, people will let you be who you are. It suits me. I’m enjoying it.
I’m also doing things I missed out on in the last five years. And though these things seem basic to people who’ve been participating in this or that all of their school lives, for me this time and these things are a chance to grab what I missed, before it’s too late.
I’m going to keep at it and do more things. Everything that I ever wanted to do, I will do in these three years. It’s a challenge to myself, and I intend on meeting it head on.